“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”   -Albert Einstein
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t …

We went to Sea World’s Aquatica this past weekend for Michael’s 7th birthday.
I learned quite a while ago that some people just do not own mirrors and some may also be with out working lights in their homes. I know this because men leave the house wearing Speedos and 300lb women leave with their string bikinis clutched tightly in their sausage fingers with intentions of wearing it in public. Both of these sights are just a fact of life in Central Florida. Just part of the scenery. …

1. Choose your battles
2. If it does not hurt your children or someone/something else, it’s probably okay if they try it.

I need practice in both of those areas. It’s real super easy to get caught in the ‘gotta get it done now’ or the ‘for Christ’s sake kid, just do what I’m tellin ya’ mode. It seems like I am endlessly hollering at my kids. When, in the grand scheme of things, 98% of the crap I holler at them about is really unimportant.

For all the mommy’s and daddy’s out there with little girls who want a cupcake maker for their birthday… just keep in mind it is a fun little experiment, but do not expect them to be tasty. AT ALL. A little plastic-y tasting for my taste, but all part of the fun, I suppose There are 4 flavors: chocolate, vanilla, red velvet & cinnamon-spice. If you ever have the pleasure of being faced with the choice of these PLEASE, for your own sake, choose the cinnamon-spice. We took a small taste of each one as we were making them and that one actually tastes like it’s advertised flavor.

My manager saw me drinking backstage and he said “Mitch, don’t use liquor as a crutch.” I can’t use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk. Liquor severely fucks up the way I walk. It ain’t like a crutch, it’s like a step I didn’t see.

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar…and the beer.